10. Because he was right about the internet, right about global warming, right about the war, and right about Howard Dean and ... well, he was right about the internet, global warming, and the war.
9. The last time he ran for President, the campaign paid for a spiffy new cart for rolling his luggage through airports, but it's getting pretty worn and he could use a new one.
8. After all these bitter, divisive years of war, staggering budget deficits, obscene tax cuts for the rich, and the cynical exploitation of issues such as gay marriage and flag-burning, the country needs a President who will only talk about issues no one cares about, like global warming.
7. If he becomes President, he'll get access to all those NSA records and he can finally find out what Tipper was saying that time she was talking to her friend on the phone and kept looking at him and laughing. She said it wasn't about his beard, but the next time he saw her friend the first thing she said was, "Oh, Al, I love your beard!" Yeah, right, that's what you say to my face.
6. If Bush could use the Homeland Security alert system to get himself re-elected, then surely Gore, as President, can use it to clear the streets when he orders pizza.
5. By flipping the "reverse" switch on the NSA spying system, he can force the entire country to hear his global warming lecture every time they pick up the phone.
4. Once he announces the U.S. will again be a cooperative member of the world community, he'll be able to travel abroad without the Canadian flag sticker on his backpack.
3. After following his advice to invest in the heretofore little-known company, Amalgamated Daffodil Abatement, all his friends will make Cheney-sized killings in the market when he announces his plan to require all cars to run on happiness and sunshine, with daffodils as exhaust.
2. The election of Al Gore to the Presidency will finally force The Daily Howler to stop picking on poor Frank Rich, whose only crime is columnizing the best way a millionaire scribe can, with his limited finances. And limited intellectual resources. And limited researching skills. And limited editorial judgment.
1. Al Gore should run for President because this time he won't have to waste all that time talking to the "people," as he's heard the Supreme Court just loves drowning polar bear cartoons.
# posted by Andy @ 11:55 PM
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