Saturday, June 24, 2006
The Growing Coconut Threat
Andromeda is a brave blog, it is a courageous blog, it is not "risk-averse." To the contrary, Andromeda has large brass ones, the size of coconuts. Which brings us to the latest tedious complaint from a small whining subset of our dedicated and loyal fans: more people die from getting on the head with coconuts than with space shuttles. Or something like that.
To that, we have two responses. First, Andromeda can only do so much, and saving those who loiter endlessly 'neath the palms, heaving great sighs and reciting odes to nature, well, that we must leave to others. Second, Andromeda has never questioned the bravery of the NASA Administrators in approving this flight -- it has only suggested, in the politest way it knows, that their explanations of the risks are stupid, incredibly, astonishingly, breathtakingly, so.
On the other hand, if NASA announces it is replacing the tiles with papier mache, and there is now a 99.9% chance of burn-up while moving to Pad 39-B on the Mobile Launcher Platform, but everyone in the vicinity is aware of the danger and has signed on, well, Andromeda will start mixing the flour and water.
To that, we have two responses. First, Andromeda can only do so much, and saving those who loiter endlessly 'neath the palms, heaving great sighs and reciting odes to nature, well, that we must leave to others. Second, Andromeda has never questioned the bravery of the NASA Administrators in approving this flight -- it has only suggested, in the politest way it knows, that their explanations of the risks are stupid, incredibly, astonishingly, breathtakingly, so.
Coconut Administrator: ... and so, I have made the command decision to order the country's top coconut researchers to go out and stand under the palm trees, as close as possible to the trunks.
Q: Administrator, you say there were two votes against -- who were they?
A: Umm, well, let's see, who were they, who were they, oh, yes, here it is. The Coconut Falling Expert and the Head Injury Specialist believed there were some sort of risks associated with our program. But they said they were all for it, if we would just go out and get some helmets first. But I made the command decision, to go ahead immediately.
Q: Are you confident then there is no risk to the Coconut Team due to proceeding without these, what did you call them, oh, "helmets"?
A: We do not believe we are risking crew. Keep in mind, we have a bare-headed rescue team standing by, just in case something completely unanticipated happens.
On the other hand, if NASA announces it is replacing the tiles with papier mache, and there is now a 99.9% chance of burn-up while moving to Pad 39-B on the Mobile Launcher Platform, but everyone in the vicinity is aware of the danger and has signed on, well, Andromeda will start mixing the flour and water.
