Sunday, June 25, 2006
Exclusive! Soccer Brawl in Shuttle Crew
NASA Administrator Mike Griffin admitted exclusively to Andromeda that special security measures will be taken to prevent football hooliganism breaking out during the launch of STS-121. These procedures became necessary after Mission Specialist Piers Sellers, a native of Sussex, England, lunged wildly at Mission Specialist Thomas Reiter, from Frankfurter/Main, Germany, during a press event Saturday. Sellers, who had been "preparing" for the England-Ecuador match all Saturday afternoon, began singing, "Ten German bombers flying through the air ...," despite having been told repeatedly not to mention the war.
Reiter responded by patiently explaining the German 2-0 victory over Sweden, illustrating some of the finer points by flinging chairs about. He then commented on England's 2-2 tie with Sweden and inquired whether all English men continued breast-feeding into adulthood, which led to Sellers leaping at Reiter, tripping over Mission Specialist Lisa Nowak's leg, but still swinging, he struck Reiter in the hip with his fist, and in the knee with his face. As blood gushed from his mouth, he sputtered something about Dunkirk, and passed out.
Griffin said the crew of STS-121 would be expanded, to permit a line of German police officers, backed by their British counterparts, to keep Reiter and Sellers apart during take-off. "Obviously, this will be difficult, since Sellers are sitting next to each other in the back row on launch," Griffin noted, "but something had to be done."
Reiter responded by patiently explaining the German 2-0 victory over Sweden, illustrating some of the finer points by flinging chairs about. He then commented on England's 2-2 tie with Sweden and inquired whether all English men continued breast-feeding into adulthood, which led to Sellers leaping at Reiter, tripping over Mission Specialist Lisa Nowak's leg, but still swinging, he struck Reiter in the hip with his fist, and in the knee with his face. As blood gushed from his mouth, he sputtered something about Dunkirk, and passed out.
Griffin said the crew of STS-121 would be expanded, to permit a line of German police officers, backed by their British counterparts, to keep Reiter and Sellers apart during take-off. "Obviously, this will be difficult, since Sellers are sitting next to each other in the back row on launch," Griffin noted, "but something had to be done."
