Andromeda

Andy: Thank you, STS-121 Commander Steven Lindsey, for taking time out of your busy day to sit down with us.

Lindsey: Steve.

Andy: No, it's Andy.

Lindsey: No, it's Steve, not Steven.

Andy: And you can call me, Andy.

Steve: Uh, thanks, I guess.

Andy: As a regular reader of Andromeda blog, Steve, you know these are pull-no-punches interviews. We ask the questions no one dares to ask. So brace yourself.

Steve: What blog did you say?

Andy: Eileen Collins has been telling everyone who will listen that you will never be able to match her picture-perfect space station docking from STS-114.

Steve: Well, --

Andy: She says you're not pilot enough, not man enough, to even come close.

Steve: OK, that may be --

Andy: She says that you're being from California will likely hamper you, compared to a New Yorker.

Steve: I don't see how that --

Andy: So she suggested we ask you if you knew what "RCS" stands for, and if you could demonstrate the difference between "yaw" and "roll."

Steve: Obviously --

Andy: Oh -- and she said you have to answer without looking at your hand. She said you drew a little diagram with labels for "yaw," "pitch" and "roll."

Steve: Well, you can see there's nothing --

Andy: Let's move on. You have flown over fifty different types of aircraft. Why can't you settle on one?

Steve: I feel the experience --

Andy: If there were an emergency on the shuttle, say an uncontrolled firing of the RCS, what are the chances that, in your excitement, you'll think you're in a Cessna?

Steve: An uncontrolled firing --

Andy: Stephanie Wilson has told us the commander is really the most unimportant crew member, since all the flying can be done automatically. In fact, she said the only equipment you are bringing are several boxes of bon-bons which you will pop luxuriantly into your mouth while the rest of the crew performs EVAs.

Steve: That's just ridiculous. You have to understand --

Andy: Again, thank you Commander Lindsey, for talking to us, and mostly we appreciate your thoughtful responses to our searching inquiries.

Steve: You're an idiot.

Andy: Join us for the next informative installment, readers, when we ask Mission Specialist Mike Fossum whether, as a Vigil Member of Order of the Arrow, he was offended by the DaVinci Code.