Andromeda

Andy: Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

Global Warming: I think it's just your imagination.

Andy: OK, first hard-hitting question. Why didn't the "new Al Gore" campaign in 2000?

Global Warming: I don't know what you're talking about.

Andy: Are you saying you feel Al Gore hasn't changed, only the media "narrative" has changed?

Global Warming: Um, no. I don't believe in Al Gore. I realize that many "Gorologists" claim he exists, but call me a skeptic.

Andy: You did finger-quotes for "Gorologists," but not for "skeptics," even though you said that's what we should call you. Are you using finger quotes "correctly"?

Global Warming: Look we have some serious issues to talk about here. This is a planetary emergency, don't you care about that?

Andy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's always catastrophe this, and emergency that with you guys, so I gotta stop driving my S.U.V. on my pony on my boat. I think if it really was an emergency, President Bush would be on vacation right now, and if it really was a catastrophe, somebody would be receiving a Medal of Freedom, and since neither of those is happening, isn't it true you're just blowing a lot of hot air?

Global Warming: Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?

Andy: Global Warming a joke? You admit it!

Global Warming: No, I don't admit it. The end of civilisation, a joke? I don't think so.

Andy: And then something about Los Angeles.

Global Warming: What?

Andy: After you say "the end of civilization," you say "like Los Angeles" or something like that.

Global Warming: Can't we get back to the subject at hand? Greenhouse gases are increasing, the annual average temperature of the atmosphere near the surface of the Earth is skyrocketing, it may already be too late!

Andy: Yes, you're right, back to the subject at hand. Watching "An Inconvenient Truth," I was deeply moved by something, something I suspect a lot of people noticed: Al Gore's bald spot seems to have disappeared.

Global Warming: What?

Andy: Yeah, I know. How could that happen? Is it like the hole in the ozone?

Global Warming: You're an idiot. Your planet deserves to die.

Andy: Well, thank you for sitting down to talk with us, Global Warming. Everyone, be sure and pick up Global Warming's new book, "Does Al Gore Really Exist, or Was He Just a Weather Balloon?"