Monday, January 09, 2006
Rather Large Foot Secrecy
The news from the White House today sent a shiver down our collective spine here at Andromeda:
It is only after lengthy deliberations, with due consideration for national security, balanced against our fiery patriotism, that we decided we could, nay, we must, reveal this SCI/SI-level secret -- the highest level of security clearance (as far as you know) -- even if it brings down the Republic.
And here it is: The Cheney Administration's obsession with security is so great, not because of their natural rat-like desire to do things in the dark, but because of the width and breadth of the things that must be kept confidential. One thing in particular, his foot, has grown enormously since he became secret-President. In the early days, of course, special lighting and make-up were all that was needed to keep his foot on the down-low, but after 9-11 it began expanding by leaps and bounds to the point that he gave all his speeches and public appearances while standing awkwardly next to billowing curtains or wearing a flowing gown. As it grew exponentially, NASA was brought in to keep it un-noticed through the ingenius manipulation of magnets, mirrors and lasers, but now, God-no! -- the secrecy is finally unravelling and the consequences, though certainly most dire, cannot be known or predicted.
Our greatest fear is that (pesky) reporters will insist on speaking to Cheney himself -- he's been zooming on horse tranquilizers for four years -- and asking him if it is true, as his foot has been saying, that the foot's orders are Cheney's orders.
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, and as I just pointed out, his doctors and the Vice President's Office provide information in an appropriate way. And I'm sure that they will continue to. I would direct those questions to his office, because what they can do is check with his doctors and check with the Vice President and then provide that information to you all.
Q But there's a rather large foot secrecy going on here -- (laughter) -- considering the Vice President's left appendage and we're just curious as to --
It is only after lengthy deliberations, with due consideration for national security, balanced against our fiery patriotism, that we decided we could, nay, we must, reveal this SCI/SI-level secret -- the highest level of security clearance (as far as you know) -- even if it brings down the Republic.
And here it is: The Cheney Administration's obsession with security is so great, not because of their natural rat-like desire to do things in the dark, but because of the width and breadth of the things that must be kept confidential. One thing in particular, his foot, has grown enormously since he became secret-President. In the early days, of course, special lighting and make-up were all that was needed to keep his foot on the down-low, but after 9-11 it began expanding by leaps and bounds to the point that he gave all his speeches and public appearances while standing awkwardly next to billowing curtains or wearing a flowing gown. As it grew exponentially, NASA was brought in to keep it un-noticed through the ingenius manipulation of magnets, mirrors and lasers, but now, God-no! -- the secrecy is finally unravelling and the consequences, though certainly most dire, cannot be known or predicted.
Our greatest fear is that (pesky) reporters will insist on speaking to Cheney himself -- he's been zooming on horse tranquilizers for four years -- and asking him if it is true, as his foot has been saying, that the foot's orders are Cheney's orders.
