Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Intelligent Gravity
As regular readers know, Andromeda is long accustomed to combatting and overcoming the closed-mindedness, intolerance, and bullying mentality of those who -- because they wear fancy robes and hats, and speak to their minions in front of great halls, and want so badly to believe they are right -- simply refuse to accept the clear, obvious and indisputable evidence that Andromeda presents. We are talking, of course, about the scientists. Sure, they have all their pet theories and castles in the air, which are forced-fed down the throats of school children, simply because these science toughs fiercely control and desperately protect all their fancy scientific instruments, like their cyclotrons, supercomputers, telescopes, electron microscopes, and chalk. But Andromeda did not need all of their gizmos to prove conclusively its alternate theory of gravity -- which it now demands to be taught in public schools -- Intelligent Gravity.
Sir Isaac Newton described gravity as follows: F = m1*m2*G/r^2, where "G" is the universal gravitational constant and "^" is a carrot. The flaws in Newtonian Gravity were all too obvious to Andromeda, and we have always found it very surprising those flaws were not discovered long before Einstein. For example, why should a pound of concrete -- big, heavy concrete, for cripe's sakes! -- weigh exactly as much as a pound of light, fluffy feathers? And are we supposed to believe it's just a coincidence the weight is exactly the same, even when measured on an electron microscope?
But, of course, when Einstein pointed out the flaws in Newton's theory, all of sudden, it's like, "Oh, wow, you're so smart, Albert, your new theory is so great, your hair is really cool, you can work in the German patent office, whee!" and so on. But now who will point out the numerous flaws in Einstein's theory? No one except for Andromeda because they're all so scared of his black holes, that's who!
Imagine space-time as a four-dimensional space. Did you do that? Good. Now, gravity can be seen as a perturbation of that space, such that even light, which has no mass, will "bend" around a star, because it is following the curved shape of space-time. OK. Did you really imagine space-time as a four-dimensional space?
Now, what if the light bent around the star because someone -- not God, definitely not God, because this is not a religious theory -- but just somebody, who knows who, tells it to bend? And what if this somebody is all-knowing, all-powerful and simultaneously in all places, plus he has a white beard but not like Santa's? Is this theory not just as good as the crazy Einstein theory? Which doesn't even make sense because there's only three dimensions?
In fact, Andromeda's Theory of Intelligent Gravity is superior to the so-called scientists' theory of gravity, with all their beakers, and labcoats, and fancy sportscars, because Andromeda's Theory of Intelligent Gravity completely explains everything, and has no open questions. Whereas the so-called scientists are just left gaping and drooling when they are asked to decide between general relativity and Brans-Dicke.
Sir Isaac Newton described gravity as follows: F = m1*m2*G/r^2, where "G" is the universal gravitational constant and "^" is a carrot. The flaws in Newtonian Gravity were all too obvious to Andromeda, and we have always found it very surprising those flaws were not discovered long before Einstein. For example, why should a pound of concrete -- big, heavy concrete, for cripe's sakes! -- weigh exactly as much as a pound of light, fluffy feathers? And are we supposed to believe it's just a coincidence the weight is exactly the same, even when measured on an electron microscope?
But, of course, when Einstein pointed out the flaws in Newton's theory, all of sudden, it's like, "Oh, wow, you're so smart, Albert, your new theory is so great, your hair is really cool, you can work in the German patent office, whee!" and so on. But now who will point out the numerous flaws in Einstein's theory? No one except for Andromeda because they're all so scared of his black holes, that's who!
Imagine space-time as a four-dimensional space. Did you do that? Good. Now, gravity can be seen as a perturbation of that space, such that even light, which has no mass, will "bend" around a star, because it is following the curved shape of space-time. OK. Did you really imagine space-time as a four-dimensional space?
Now, what if the light bent around the star because someone -- not God, definitely not God, because this is not a religious theory -- but just somebody, who knows who, tells it to bend? And what if this somebody is all-knowing, all-powerful and simultaneously in all places, plus he has a white beard but not like Santa's? Is this theory not just as good as the crazy Einstein theory? Which doesn't even make sense because there's only three dimensions?
In fact, Andromeda's Theory of Intelligent Gravity is superior to the so-called scientists' theory of gravity, with all their beakers, and labcoats, and fancy sportscars, because Andromeda's Theory of Intelligent Gravity completely explains everything, and has no open questions. Whereas the so-called scientists are just left gaping and drooling when they are asked to decide between general relativity and Brans-Dicke.
