Andromeda

Like you, I always thought space stations were just for smashing against the Death Star that Saturn is building, going "puff!" "piff!" and "paff!" as the Death Star enters Earth orbit.

But I recently learned how wrong that thinking was. Space stations are very important.

Alien walks into a bar.

ANDY: Hey.

Alien: Hey.

Silence.

Alien: Listen, would you happen to know where I can find, uh, um, Earth's space stations?

ANDY: Uck! Say it, don't spray it! Hey, is that acid?

Alien: A little. Try baking soda.

ANDY: On my face?

Alien: So that's your FACE?

ANDY: I think I need medical attention. What is it you wanted?

Alien: Well, see, the thing is, we're getting ready to invade and, huh, the thing is, when we invade a planet, we always use the space stations to hold our little babies, a place where they can play around away from the death rays, and feed on the station crew.

ANDY: Oh, my god! Really? Oh, well, this -- this is embarrassing. We don't have any space stations.

Alien: What!?

ANDY: Oh, no, no, don't get me wrong, we used to have two. But we kind of let them burn up.

Alien: Well, isn't that great? Isn't that just great?

ANDY: Sorry. Oh, hey, we are building one!

Alien: Really? When will it be done?

ANDY: Oh, right. Well, we're having a little trouble with that.

Alien: Well, cripes! So now what am I going to tell the Supreme Leader?

ANDY: Hmmm, NASA keeps telling the American people it will be done by 2010. You could just tell the Leader that. But listen, for your own, sake, don't vouch for it, just say that's what NASA says.

Alien: Geez, thanks, human. Your death will be mercifully slow.

ANDY: Actually, humans think a quick death is merciful.

Alien: Really? We think letting someone live a long, full life and die of old age is merciful, but to each his own. See ya!

ANDY: Wait! Come back, what I meant was -- oh, criminy!