Andromeda

As regular readers of this blog know, Andromeda despises humor of any kind. That is why we have historically applauded the arrests of so many air passengers for making their so-called "jokes."

Clearly, these dangerous individuals fail to realize the deviousness of Al Qaeda. For years and years, Osama bin Laden's minions waltzed with insouciance through our tightest security by first declaring, "There's a bomb in there" and then guffawing, "I was kidding!" Amused security workers everywhere laughed uproariously and, owing to the general hilarity and good-feeling, completely forgot to check the bag!

The only possible way to prevent this fiendishness was to make jokes a felony. Of course, the penalty depends on how funny the joke is. Jay Leno, for example, always receives just a warning, whereas there still exists a shoot-on-sight order for Peter Sellars, though he's been dead for years.