Andromeda

Others have devoted tireless efforts enlisting government assistance for needy multibillion-dollar corporations by pointing out that some piracy criminals may have sympathies with Hezbollah. These courageous anti-piracy crusaders have boldly shown that much more of the War on Terrorism billions should be spent protecting record company profits, due to the slight risk they may some day fall from obscene to merely exorbitant. Oh, and to stop terrorism.

And now it has fallen to Andromeda to draw the attention of the country, nay, the world, or even nayer, the universe, to the temporary difficulties and minor impediments corporations have faced in attempting to pry into the viewing, buying, eating, reading, remedying habits of the public -- all because of terrorists!

Andromeda bravely provided the following testimony before the Senate Committee on Exploitation of the Masses:

Do Terrorists Engage in the Protection of their Privacy?

We are also frequently asked if terrorist groups attempt to protect their privacy. We do not know the answer to that question. What we do know is that while working with law enforcement to conduct anti-privacy raids, we have been in homes and businesses in which photos of Hezbollah leader Sheik Nasrallah have been prominently displayed.

Undaunted by the terrorists' threats, Andromeda also heroically gave the following valiant testimony before the House Committee on the Removal of Doors:

There are also indicators that some associates of terrorist groups may be involved in pro-privacy crime. During our investigations, we have encountered suspects who have shown great affinity for Hezbollah and its leadership. The following are just two examples: during the search of a residence pursuant to an anti-privacy search warrant, we saw two small Hezbollah flags displayed in the suspect's bedroom. Next to the flags was a photograph of Hassan Nasrallah whom we recognized as a leader of Hezbollah.

In 2004, detectives served an anti-privacy search warrant at a clothing store in Los Angeles County. During the booking process, the suspect was found to have a tattoo of the Hezbollah flag on his arm.

What greater proof could there be? The Department of Homeland Security must immediately invest hundreds of billions into research to improve corporations' ability to track consumer behavior.

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