Friday, May 20, 2005
The Naked and The Dead
As everyone knows, America's most powerful weapon is the naked. Nobody does the naked like Americans. After the success of the Abu Ghraib photos, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency ("PETA") has been signing multimillion-dollar government contracts in research on the naked by the dozen, and Andromeda was lucky enough to receive one, based on our prior, independent research in being naked. Keep in mind, we have only spent ten million dollars at this point, so this research is very preliminary.
- Using PhotoShop, we have been able to alter photos of foreign leaders to make them appear unclothed. We have not yet learned how to make the body proportionate to the head, nor can we match the lighting or hide the cut-and-paste, but we are hopeful about plans we are developing to address these issues.
- That's about all we've come up with.
Our long-term goal, obviously, is to address the possibility of an attack by aliens. The clear risk is that, with some sort of scaly, reptilian body, they will not wear clothes at all, meaning they would be completely impervious to even our most savage naked weaponry! Our principal development strategy is to create some sort of "hyper-clothes" for humans to wear as a way of creating "relatively increased nakedness" for the aliens.
