Andromeda

In light of all this talk about left-wing bloggers taking scalps in the media wars, Andromeda must relate this tale (stripped of its racial overtones) it heard once during its travels in the stereotypical land of the Old South:

Wun day, Brer Elfunt got him up a plan to ketch dat der Brer Dunkie wunstin fer all. So Brer Elfunt sits himsil up ta buildin the strangis contrapshun ya niver did see an' when he got it all fix up he call it a Gannon. An' well if he dint go on ahid an' put dat der Gannon right in de middle o' de big road. Den he goes an' res' his big behin' in sum cool muck in de ditch an' watch him dat Gannon der.

Long come Brer Dunkie, ker-plunkety-plunkety, dez ez sassy as a jaybird. An' Brer Dunkie, bye-me-bye, he sees dat der Gannon dez sittin' der in de middle o' de big road, he ker-plunkety-plunkets to a stop. "Mawnin'!" sez Brer Dunkie. But dat Gannon dez go ahead an' git his media credenshuls, sayin' nuthin' back to Brer Dunkie. An' Brer Elfunt don' say nuthin' neither.

"Well, now, fer sher, you got sum media credenshuls den?" sez Brer Dunkie, sezzee.

But dat Gannon don' say nuthin', and Brer Elfunt dez settle down in dat der muck an' not sayin' nuthin' neither.

"I reckun I got me sum media credenshuls comin' iff'n yo's already heah?" sez Brer Dunkie, sezzee.

Dat Gannon don' say nuthin' but he starts gittin' himsil up a web site an' den he gits buck nikkid fo' it. An' Brer Elfunt dez wigglez his big behin' a lil mo'.

Brer Dunkie don' know nuthin' about gittin' buck nikkid on a web site, but he knows dem media credenshuls orta be his'n sted on dat Gannon's, kaze Brer Dunkie's got some queschuns fo' de Prezdent he's been pond'rin'. So up runs Brer Dunkie an' he snatch dem media credenshuls and shouts fer joy. An' de Gannon dez go on wid his web site an' all dat.

But ol' Brer Elfunt he gits himsil slowly up outa dat cool muck an' say, "Laws! Is dey no en'? Brer Dunkie dez snatch him sum media credenshuls kaze dat Gannon's nikkid on a web site!"

An' Brer Elfunt goes on like dat at some estreem, an' talkin' to any dat's got ears, an' nex thing it is, everbuddy's snatchin up all de media credenshuls fum everbuddy an' hannin' back to Brer Elfunt ta consol' him sum, fum all his catterwallin'. Brer Elfunt goes on ahowlin' while he collecks up dem media crednshuls fo' all his frenz.

Well, now, Brer Dunkie, he can see pur well what's happenin' an' figgers mebbe ol' Brer Elfunt had him a han' in riggin' up dat der Gannon, so Brer Dunkie sits himsil to thinkin'.

Den he gits done thinkin' so he ker-plunks back up 'longside dat Brer Elfunt, an' he starts acatterwallin' even wuss den Brer Elfunt. On'y what he sez is he's sorry, sezzee, an' he knows good an' well it's importin fo' de good frenz of Brer Elfunt ta git nikkid on de web sites an' he s'ports it all completely!

Well, Brer Elfunt sez he don' know 'bout all dat. Kaze he's gittin' wurried on dat Morl M'jordy.

But Brer Dunkie keps it on, sayin' all 'bout de nikkid an' givin' de Gannon ever media credenshul he kin lay his han's on an' nex' think ya know ever-buddy's gittin' nikkid and Brer Elfunt's grabbin' fo' dem media credenshuls fom dat Gannon an' dez about havin' a kanipshun. An' Brer Dunkie's gittin' dat Gannon inter de nex Prezdenshul news confence an' near everbuddy's half-nikkid an' de Morl M'jordy sez it don' know what ta do.

An' while der all worryin' 'bout the nikkid, Brer Dunkie gits a increase in de cap on Soshul Secuty passed.